Saturday, June 26, 2010

What does the future hold?

I found out on Mon. my middle child (son who is in the picture) dropped out of school! He was in tears and told me he just doesn't seem to care. I have suspected for years that he might have depression, and have even taken him to a doctor with this concern a few years ago, but he was never diagnosed with it until this week. I'm so sad for him. He's my one child who I never suspected would have any of my problems. In this picture he had just graduated from high school. It's now 3 years later and he's 21. He's such a sweet heart but said he feels worthless, mostly because I think he just doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do with his life. And with depression being in the way, it's no wonder he couldn't focus on his school work. I just wish he would have said something sooner. His last day of school was last week and I guess he failed the 3 classes he was taking, due to not getting the work in. We took out $18,000 in loans for this college! Ugh- I just want to turn to my eating disorder and blame myself. I did meet a friend for coffee yesterday and talked about this so that is an improvement for me. To actually talk to someone and not just try to deal with it myself. I continue to restrict however, and still feel like I need to get worse before I get better! Our eating disorder minds are so crazy, aren't they! I have an appointment on Friday with a doctor The Emily Program so I'm curious to see how that goes. I still don't have a therapist there, though. I guess I am on a waiting list. There must be a shortage of therapists who work in the field of eating disorders.


  1. i am so sorry to hear about your son! That must be so so hard for all of you. I know that I had a similar situation with my ED.... i would restrict and not concentrate on school, then not do that well, which made the ED worse, which made my grades worse..... just a bad cycle to get into.
    I have no clue what I want to do with my life either...
    What is the Emily Program?? i haven't heard of it...

  2. There's only 2 places that specialize in eating disorders in MN - the Melrose Institiute which use to be in Methodist Hospital, and The Emily Program. You can google them both. I went to Melrose 3 years and just got burnt out I guess. They have Inpatient there which I did a number of times. A fellow Ed patient told me recently "don't get burnt out on treatment, get burnt out on Ed!" Good advice, huh?

  3. I'm so sorry to hear that your son is struggling with depression. It is hard to see your children in pain. Hopefully now he can get some help though.
    I too felt like I had to get worse before I went into treatment. It is like we have to prove to everyone that we are sick enough to deserve treatment. Good luck with your doctors appointment!

  4. Your son and family are BEAUTIFUL! I have struggled with Depression and I only WISH I had a mother as loving and supportive as you! I truly am wishing you all the best! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If I may suggest one thing; lead by example. Empower yourself! Show him that by your attitude you are CERTAIN you can succeed and he can too! It's the best thing you can do! Love yourself and he will start to love him self more too! You are so beautiful and I really am wishing you strength, inner peace, contentment and love! Don't let your son think you are disappointed, in him or in yourself! Confidence, self respect, pride, certainty and optimism!!!