What does the future hold?

I found out on Mon. my middle child (son who is in the picture) dropped out of school! He was in tears and told me he just doesn't seem to care. I have suspected for years that he might have depression, and have even taken him to a doctor with this concern a few years ago, but he was never diagnosed with it until this week. I'm so sad for him. He's my one child who I never suspected would have any of my problems. In this picture he had just graduated from high school. It's now 3 years later and he's 21. He's such a sweet heart but said he feels worthless, mostly because I think he just doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do with his life. And with depression being in the way, it's no wonder he couldn't focus on his school work. I just wish he would have said something sooner. His last day of school was last week and I guess he failed the 3 classes he was taking, due to not getting the work in. We took out $18,000 in loans for this college! Ugh- I just want to turn to my eating disorder and blame myself. I did meet a friend for coffee yesterday and talked about this so that is an improvement for me. To actually talk to someone and not just try to deal with it myself. I continue to restrict however, and still feel like I need to get worse before I get better! Our eating disorder minds are so crazy, aren't they! I have an appointment on Friday with a doctor The Emily Program so I'm curious to see how that goes. I still don't have a therapist there, though. I guess I am on a waiting list. There must be a shortage of therapists who work in the field of eating disorders.