Sunday, December 26, 2010

Merry Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas everyone. I spent Christmas Eve day sick in bed! Some kind of "bug" which luckily only lasted the one day. Of course my "ED" was fine with me missing out on the festivities, not having to worry about eating tacos and tons of goodies at one of the relatives houses. I have to admit I enjoyed staying home lying in bed or on the couch and just vegging. Ate some chicken noodle soup after I felt a little better. The next day (Christmas) was spent at my brothers beautiful home in Medina (MN). He's very successful and we joke they live in a "mansion". He and his wife and four boys - all adults now- are very down to earth though, so you would never suspect they have all that money. We had a great time. Everyone brought appetizers so it was easier and more "layed back" than preparing a big meal. My other sister in law was there and she has been recovered for one year now from her breast cancer. She tends to talk on and on about her health, which is understandable. Then out of the blue she asked "so how are you" and of course I said fine. I really don't want to talk about ED with any of them. I don't want people to know that I struggle although it's maybe noticeable..?? It's easy to hide with these cold MN winters and all the covering up with layers! I've been eating "ok" lately but inside my head is Screaming that it can't wait for all of this to be over so I can "get away from the food, have my next 3-4 days ALONE and eat or not eat what I want, exercise and get rid of it, hibernate, diet, diet, diet." My life has been one long diet. So perhaps that is what I say to someone when they ask how I am doing. Tell them the constant thoughts going on in my head. What would they say? What would they do? I'm sure they would think it's really strange! That's another thing that's difficult with all of this. There's nothing they can do or say that seems to help so why talk about it? I am going to Arizona in a few weeks with my 2 sister in laws (that I mentioned above) and my "bestest friend" who lives in CA. We are going to go for a weekend to celebrate my turning the Big 50! My thoughts are about the weather and what will I wear? I want it to be HOT but fear what I will look like in summer clothes. Has anyone out there read "Eating by the Light of the Moon"? My therapist recommended it and I ordered it on line so anxious to read it. Anyone find it helpful? Take care everyone and Happy New Year soon!