Sunday, June 20, 2010
I love the mornings. I get up early and I'm alone with my coffee and it's my Own time. The birds are singing loud and crazy and I want to sing too (wouldn't want to kill anyone with my voice though!), "it's finally summer!" We Minnesotan's LOVE our summers! When my anorexia came back 3-4 years ago I thought it was mostly due to me getting closer to that "empty nest" stage.My oldest son had just left for college. I put myself into being a mother 100% and pretty much gave up my own life. As much as I LOVED it I do not recommend it to any of you younger moms out there. Nobody ever tells you how Hard it's going to be when your kids grow up and leave. And yea, yea, yea, I know I'm still a mom and my kids will never really leave, but I'm telling you...it's not the same! I actually can't wait to be a Grandma now. Ha! Love my babies!! I have 3 pets now that are my babies. I even carry one of my dogs around on my hip like a little baby. Call me crazy, but I also love animals! I know I need to get more of a life, but it's very hard when ED came back you know how he just wants you to isolate. I give so much of my time to my eating disorder. I'm kind of rambling but the point I was trying to make earlier is that I don't know if it's really empty nest or not because I love to be ALONE,but I wonder...is that the eating disorder? I'm sure it all comes down to Balance and that's not something I'm very good at. I see the "All or Nothing" in me quite a bit. The other hard part about being my age is that people and pets start dying. It's so terribly sad! My dad died 23 years ago and I still haven't gotten over that. He and I were very close. He was a teacher (like me) and a loving, caring man, but he was also an alcoholic (like me)who could have fits of rage that really scared me when I was little. I don't know if I mentioned before that I am a recovered alcoholic and have been sober 13 years ago. I also have depression and was hospitalized for that 13 years ago. I am hopeful because I recovered from alcoholism so I KNOW I can recover from Anorexia too and I HAVE to if I want to Live and be a Grandma!!! I found a great website so check it out! www.youarenotalonebook.com/thankyou.php. Have a good day everyone and Happy Fathers Day.