contemplating

I feel like I ate pretty well over the weekend. I was with my husband and feel like I HAVE to because I am with him and I don't want his "evil" eye and/or critical comments that only make it all worse! Of course I still don't eat all that he thinks I am. Our eating disorders are very sly-devils. I am starting a new treatment center this week. I have a 2 hour appointment on Fri- mostly to do paperwork. I don't even know if I really want any treatment at this point because I don't think I am able to give up my "bones". I don't like the way I look afterwords. Who am I, without this? I have tried to find out- signed up for classes, did this and that...all that was recommended and still, nothing has changed. The new place I am going to try is called the Emily Program. I did 3 years at Melrose and got sick of it/treatment. No matter where I go it's going to be an hour drive there and an hour drive home. I'm use to the drive and actually kind of enjoy it - listening to music and being alone with my thoughts- but I know I also use that as an excuse not to go! Wish me luck!